Special Article

The Need for Independence

By Joyce Bender [view bio]
President and CEO of Bender Consulting Services.

Our forefathers fought for our Independence, as we all know by studying the history of the revolutionary war. Patrick Henry said, “Give me liberty or give me death.” Think about how powerful liberty and independence were to people like Thomas Jefferson, Patrick Henry, and George Washington – it was worth dying for in 1776.

Yet today, sometimes Americans with significant disabilities are denied independence. The shackles that bind people with significant disabilities are the shackles of pity.

Parents, although meaning well, often apply those shackles over the years of a child with a disability growing up in this country. As parents of a child with a significant disability, those parents who believe they are protecting their child are really imprisoning their child to a life of dependency. That is in fact, the real disability.

Parents must remember that children with disabilities cannot achieve gainful employment, which leads to independence, if they are in fact, dependent. They will never make it in the world of work – not ever.

In addition, some teachers and counselors in school are equally guilty of putting on the shackles of pity with students with disabilities, by telling them they cannot make it as others can. They in fact, lower the bar.

Let's begin with some suggestions for parents of children with disabilities that I believe will help you to lead them on the road to independence.

1. Encourage your children to be independent from the beginning – at the earliest age. Bad habits are formed at an early age. One way you can do this is by not treating them “differently”. I realize you must provide extra accommodations, but you do not need to shelter them.
   
2. Encourage your children to participate in activities at the earliest age possible. This includes any sports or any activities at school. Do not leave your children out. The more they participate, the more independent they will become. There are adaptive sports for children with significant disabilities such as sled-hockey. Get your child involved; it will make a difference.
   
3. Never tell your children “don't tell anyone about your disability”, such as epilepsy. When you tell your child not to tell anyone that you have epilepsy or any disability, you are really saying – “I am ashamed of you.” I am not meaning to disclose the disability on a job interview – that is against the law; but that is not the same situation as with a child and his or her friends.
   
4. Encourage the importance of education right from the beginning. Education is the key to unlocking a world of independence, through employment. Sometimes, a parent holds the child back. Don't do it. Encourage your child to compete academically.
   
5. Get involved in the disability community. We all need help and we all need support systems. Get involved in disability groups in your local community, such as the local epilepsy foundation or UCP. The more people you know, the more support and knowledge you will receive. You do not need to fight these battles on your own.
   
6. When your child is older and is seeking to go to college, do not limit the choice due to location. Again, give that student the opportunity to make decisions like anyone else. Going away to college, may in fact, be the best thing that could ever happen to foster independence.

As a parent of a child with a significant disability, please remember, that someday, that child will be on their own. You will not always be there for that child. When you do not foster independence, you are doing so much to prevent that child from achieving a full life.

When I meet a person who has been shackled by pity, they are unable to make any decisions on their own and unable to work in a competitive environment. That is a tragedy.

I also have tips for young people with disabilities reading this article. There are some key things you must do to achieve independence at an early age. Remember, to achieve real freedom you need to be independent.

1. Learn from an early age that you cannot rely on other people to do everything for you. When you enter the world of work, you will enter a world that expects you to be independent. You must learn to do work and make decisions on your own.
   
2. Do not ever use your disability as an excuse for anything. I have epilepsy and that is part of who I am; but I would never use it as a reason to be late for work or not make an appointment. We want equality not pity.
   
3. Do not lower the bar for academic achievements. You must aspire to be the very best you can be at all times.
   
4. Get involved with school, college, or community activities like plays, sports, or civic duties. The more you do, the more independent you will learn to be.
   
5. Travel. When you get older, take time to travel and see new places. Your disability does not limit your ability.
   
6. Speak up. As a person with a disability, you can become a leader in this country for others by speaking up – as Tony Coelho says, “Take the podium.” Get involved in disability rights groups and other similar groups.

As Patrick Henry said, “Liberty, the greatest of all earthly blessings. Give us that precious jewel and you may take everything else.”

Joyce Bender is President and CEO of Bender Consulting Services. Please direct questions for Joyce to info@disability-marketing.com.